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A True Story of a Chinese Teenager Gay
Now that everything that needs to be experienced has also been experienced, it's time to write about this period of youth. Unconsciously, it has been twenty years since I came into the world. I still remember when I was four or five years old, every time I went to my neighbor's house, the male host would pick me up and kiss me, often pressing me on the bed and licking my neck. Gradually, I fell in love with that feeling. Since I started kindergarten, I have started to like watching boys. Of course, I also like girls, but I prefer more boys. During my school years, I fell in love with many, many boys, but I was confused and thought they were good-looking and loved playing with them. At that time, I also firmly accepted the idea of liking boys. Although I had a weak and introverted personality, I studied well and loved cleanliness, making people seem unwilling to hurt. Those who wanted to take care of me were not bullied, and campus violence did not happen to me, I think the world is so beautiful, and people around me will take care of me wherever I go. I love myself very much, and I love this world even more. In high school, there was a homosexual couple in the school, and the people in the school often made fun of them, but I was envied by the new students in my heart. It wasn't until I went to college in 2018 that the story began. When I arrived at university, I also had my first phone in life, and I began to search for the same person on my phone. So, I found the University Rainbow Group, but I didn't pay much attention to group news. Until one day, I casually posted an expression in the group, which made me meet the first person, and it was precisely because of him that I began to change my life. After being subjected to multiple trials and tribulations, I met him with excitement. After all, I am also an adult, and I also want to have a relationship. Of course, I admit that controlling desire is painful, but once the switch is turned on, it is also incredibly intense. The first time I met, I was nervous and shy, my heart was pounding, and my speech was trembling. After meeting, he came over and hugged me like a child. When I first encountered this kind of thing, I became curious, eager, and excited to become one with him. I talked for 289 days, and the reason for the split was that he had an affair. He was just looking for my body. During his relationship, he found more than one person. Later, he caused me depression, and I don't want to mention it again. Anyway, I met scumbags when I didn't understand anything. That's right, of course, I don't even know what a cannon is, and I don't know why I listen to him like a walking corpse, without my own brain, and feel like I've met true love, just like on TV, pure love, love without any impurities. At that time, I was really young and ignorant when I met an old driver, and bronze met the king.
This relationship bid farewell too hastily, and then he seamlessly connected. During the epidemic, his new partner constantly came to disturb my life, causing me to feel uneasy. Therefore, I became depressed and no one understood, nor did I know who to tell. I had some conflicts with my family again and couldn't get out, so I had to endure the pain. It was great, but I persevered. I started learning how to dress, photography, guitar, change my hairstyle, maintain my figure, and started school at my best. Everything was fine.
Because I often tremble, I know a person on Tiktok. He is warm and considerate, and unconditionally dotes on me. Yes, I am moved. I think we should have something to return. We are together. During the National Day holiday, he came all the way to see me. To be honest, meeting me wasn't really what I liked. However, his personality, attitude towards me, and love for me all made me soft hearted. When he said something unpleasant, he licked me, but why didn't I accept someone who was good to me? To be honest, I also loved him, but I was different from before. I was afraid of being hurt, covered in thorns, and every word I said hurt someone, Act recklessly and domineering when something happens, feeling that you can protect yourself and hurt him severely. But this love does have both bitterness and sweetness. Unfortunately, something happened.
I haven't written it for a long time because I have to take the postgraduate entrance examination. In 2020, when the epidemic broke out, we took online classes at home. Coupled with the pain and depression after the breakup, and the conflicts with my family, I worked hard to adjust my mindset for the first half of the year. The epidemic was brought under control by July and August, and I should go back to school. In August, I met the second man in Tiktok. My family has been in an online relationship for a long time. He is in Jiangsu and I am in Shandong. He decided to come and see me on National Day.
On National Day, we met and stayed in a hotel for a few days. He didn't look like a man in his twenties, he looked more like an uncle approaching forty, but his clothes were even more delicate than mine. I didn't question his age, I simply believe that love is gender neutral and age neutral. On the first night, he gave me a ring, and the two of them had been ambiguous and happy all night. They talked a lot of sweet words, which really made me lose my mind. The second night we were together, I saw a boy named Ah Hao on his phone who had an ambiguous relationship with him borrowing money from him. I was very angry and even cried. I never expected that I, who didn't like to cry, would shed tears for this kind of thing. He quickly apologized and knelt down, begging me not to be angry or anything, and I didn't care about anything. We both applauded for love once, with safety measures in place, nothing else. Not long after, he returned and I also started my new learning life.
But one month after National Day, I once felt something grow behind me after squatting in a pit. I don't know what it was. I thought it was hemorrhoids, so I went to the clinic to have someone take a look. They said it was, and they prescribed medicine for me. But I still don't trust it because the thing it looks like is white and a vegetative organism. I went to Baidu and found that it seems to be pointed. I am very flustered, feeling like my entire body is a walking corpse, and I feel restless every day. So I decided to see a doctor. When I arrived at the hospital, the doctor said it was pointed and asked if I had any experience with GJ. He also checked my blood to see if there were any other infectious diseases. I really had S's heart at that time. I asked him what he had done before, and he kept denying it. He lent me money to see a doctor and comforted me that it was okay. During that time, my life was really about to collapse, I had to take exams, I didn't have the money to see a doctor, and I didn't dare to tell my family. I don't know why I got this disease. I always suspected the two men I talked about, but what about it? Since that's the case, treating the illness is crucial.
I don't have any friends. I save up for surgery alone, freeze the laser, get interferon every two weeks, and my hair will fall out in droves. The biggest fear of this disease is recurrence. I lied to people around me about the hemorrhoid surgery I had, so I began a six month long treatment process. The six months were unbearable, and I woke up every day with nightmares. It was difficult for me to talk about such diseases. Faced with mental and physical pain, I not only wanted to end my life once, but luckily I didn't give up. My daily routine, diet, and mood were regulated. But time and time again, the recurrence has made me start to hate this heaven, why did it do this to me? I have never hurt heaven or reason, why did it not make me feel better. Until the end of May of the following year, I underwent a final check-up and recovered. That night, I was sitting alone on the bus, browsing the night scenery of the city, letting the bus take me anywhere. Finally, I bought spicy skewers, climbed to the rooftop, blew the cold wind, and stared at the world alone. I won and didn't want to think about anything, just wanted to take a break. Leave this circle and never look back, so I bid farewell to the same sex circle and have a personal life. Until now, I have been very happy.
Here, I advise girls to get the HPV 9-valent vaccine as soon as possible. Boys like me must be smarter, and we should not touch people we don't know. Men are dirty, and this circle is also dirty. Don't think that as long as it's not HIV, it's okay. There are so many infectious diseases, and we don't know each other's health status. It's better to give up than give up. It wasn't until the night I recovered that I truly began to grow up. I discovered this circle, this world, and I was particularly disappointed in this world. I felt sad about myself being such a person. But I always believe that no matter what I suffer, I will grit my teeth and make it through. In the future, I will do what I deserve and not be foolish, and the same goes for girls.
I know a girl who plays a dating app and meets a lot of guys. She told me that she can get an L photo of any of the guys on it, and she can also arrange for them. She told me that men are all the same, thinking in the lower body. Currently, without exception, she sent me chat records and once showed me the other side of the world.
There are still many stories to tell, but the past has already passed. What I want to say is that what has changed is not only society, but also our new generation of young people, pursuing excitement and enjoying the joy of life. The shiny exterior is actually too messy to see inside. Everyone thinks carefully, who can emerge from the mud without being stained, wash the clear ripples without being demonic here? The essence of internal decay in a circle should be something worth pondering. We cannot veto with one vote that there will be good people in this circle, after all, these few people have always been or are always worthy of sympathy in the dark.
This story tells us not to have ambiguous relationships with unfamiliar strangers. The gay boy masseuses at Chinagyspa regularly check their bodies, so please rest assured that our boy is clean and safe.---From shanghai gay massage by male.
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